3 Ways to Set and Keep Boundaries with Your Twin Flame
Do you want to attract your Twin Flame and have that blissful relationship you dreamt about since you were a kid?
Then being “nice” doesn’t work.
Your boundaries are sexy because they create a positive tension in the relationship that can help you attract more devotion and respect from him...if you can get past what feels uncomfortable at first.
If you are anything like me then you don’t like conflicts.
And if you don’t like conflicts then you may have problems setting boundaries.
I’ve been there myself and I know how hard it feels to walk around on eggshells.
It makes your stomach ache and your heart race even thinking about speaking up when something feels wrong.
You’re thinking that maybe he doesn’t mean to be hurtful.
He is tired, depressed, stressed from work, he had a bad childhood, his dog just died, his kids are sick…
So, you stuff your sadness or anger down.
And instead, you go for being “nice” and focusing on the bright side of the situation.
You hope that you will feel better in the future if you continue your affirmations (or whatever you do).
But saying “yes” when you really mean “no” is LYING, plain and simple.
You might be exhausted and upset right now because a man “took” so much from you and “used you.” But if you are brutally honest with yourself, you know you avoided setting boundaries because you wanted him to like you.
It can seem “nice” or “generous” to sacrifice yourself to make him happy, but the biggest reason you’re doing it is in the hope that it serves YOU.
That’s why you’re always there “fixing” his problems, giving advice and gifts, and comforting him when he needs it.
You repeat this pattern with EVERYONE—men, friends, colleagues, clients, kids…even with your cat.
In order to avoid conflict at any cost, you’re subconsciously manipulating people to get the outcome you want—to be liked. You are worrying about what others might think about you. You are addicted to constant validation.
You need to wake up from the spell that has you seeing him as a jerk, as an asshole, as selfish, as emotionally unavailable, or as a fuckboy! Not everyone is a narcissist stealing your energy. You just suck at setting healthy boundaries.
Your vibe is all that matters because it’s your true feelings the law of attraction will match – not your thoughts.
To attract your dream relationship, you need to have strong boundaries and stick to them.
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?
Boundaries are rules that you set up for yourself to get your emotional needs met.
Boundaries create you.
Many times we have strong boundaries at the beginning of a relationship and then let them be cut down piece by piece.
The more feelings we have for the man, the more our fears come up – and it starts to feel harder to say NO.
What is a natural boundary to you, is not obvious for someone else.
We all have different life stories that shaped us differently.
The values you have are unique to you, and that’s why you should never RELAX your boundaries when you fall in love.
It’s because of those boundaries he felt attraction for you in the first place.
HERE ARE 3 WAYS TO BUILD AND PRESERVE BETTER BOUNDARIES
Step #1: Be Aware Of Your Boundaries
Sit down and ask yourself honestly these powerful questions:
- Did you often heard that you were a good and nice child?
- Are you nice even if someone ignores, insults or yells at you?
- Do you often defend a man’s behaviour with “it was not so bad. He did not mean it…?”
- Have you pretended to agree with a man to avoid conflict?
- Do you feel like men take advantage of you?
- Do you find yourself far more invested or attracted to him than you should be for the length of time you’ve known him?
- Do you feel like you’re constantly having to “save” men and fix their problems?
- Do find yourself having a hard time saying NO to a man because you are afraid he might be upset?
- Do men often say that you are TOO nice and that they don’t deserve you?
Even if you feel bad right now because you might have answered YES to every one of these questions…
Don’t worry! I’ve been there myself and now we are going to fix this!
Step #2: Shift Your Mind And Define Your limits
Begin this exercise by doing a mind shift, telling yourself that having personal boundaries is CRUCIAL to getting what you want.
Boundaries help you feel worthy which is a must to create a healthy romantic relationship and to receive what you want via the law of attraction.
It all starts by becoming aware of what you what doesn’t feel good to you, and backing up these limits.
Use the last exercise to find out what you DON’T WANT in a relationship by remembering the times you felt like your boundaries were crossed.
Your material, emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual boundaries are unique and only you can find out what is ok and not for you.
Here are a few examples of healthy limits a Love Diva doesn’t accept:
- A man who talks about sex early on in a conversation
- A man who no-shows on planned dates
- A man who reminds you of ex-lovers, boyfriends or husbands who were manipulative or abusive
- A man who is good with words but never shows in his actions what he feels.
- A man who is addicted to drugs, sex or gambling.
- Going on a date with a man when her intuition is clearly telling her to stay away from him.
- Any relationship where she is less than WORSHIPED by her man, or treated with anything less than love, care, trust and respect.
Reflect on the past two weeks.
What have you said YES to when you wanted to say NO? Did you help your co-worker with her presentation even if you were overworked yourself? Did you ask for a refund for the iPad that isn't working? Why not? How many boundaries have you allowed people to cross lately? One? Five? Eighty-seven? Don’t judge, just observe and take notes.
Step #3: Set boundaries like a Love Diva
- Pick the right time.
- Don’t hurl blame. Avoid saying, “You did this or that wrong.” Blame shuts men down, and it’s the most common trap women fall into. Avoid making the word “YOU” the subject of the sentence when speaking. For example, instead of saying “You always stay too late at the office,” say, “I get lonely and a little sad in the evenings without you. I’d love to share mealtimes together more frequently.”
- Avoid words like “neglected,” “hurt,” “ignored,” “rejected,” “abandoned,” “triggered,” “resentful,” or “disappointed.” These words trigger men’s fight or flight response and easily manifest a heated argument.
- Talk slowly and in a deep voice.
- Keep it short and specific.
“I feel… [fill in the emotion you’re experiencing].”
“I want/don’t have… [fill in the need you have].”
“How can we solve this/what do you think about… [end it by leaving the ball in his court]?”
Let’s put this all together now:
You are on an amazing date with a man you really like, but he is talking a lot about his ex-girlfriend. Your instinct might be to blame him and say, “What the fuck is wrong with you? You always talk about your ex! Are you still in love with her or something? How do you think it makes me feel to listen to you talking about her? You are such a jerk!”
A better way to express your boundary would be as follows:
“I feel turned off by this conversation. I don’t want to talk about exes on dates. It doesn’t feel romantic to me. What do you think?” Men become better around women who demand more.
Sticking to your boundaries and knowing what you want and won’t accept from a man will create an irresistible vibe that will knock him over!
Unclear boundaries will be crossed because your man doesn’t know where the border runs.
He can’t know that if you don’t!
By setting boundaries, you are sending out a powerful vibration that you deserve and are worthy of more – and that’s when the magic begins to happen and you receive it!
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