How to Communicate with Your Twin Flame When You're Triggered
Have you ever just “frozen” with a man and wanted to lash out at him?
Do you feel angry, betrayed, and really hurt by your twin’s actions?
Are you “so done” with this journey and just want to walk away?
I know how painful this cosmic mirror feels when you meet a man who turns your world upside down and seems to bring out the “worst” in you.
It’s like you are thrown into a tornado with no way out. And yet, you CAN find the way to peace even when you are facing a tumult of uncomfortable feelings.
Two of the things you need to learn during your twin flame journey are navigating your emotional triggers AND handling conflict. Those are key to making the relationship survive.
Words are powerful energy, and your choice of words can heal the relationship and draw him closer or create more distance and separation between you.
Sometimes, the best way to communicate is to not speak at all.
Sometimes, not saying anything and walking away or leaning back is going to be the best way to share "This is not what I want. This doesn't work for me or the relationship I want".
When you really do the inner work, you’ll know the difference between just having a feeling that is genuine in the present moment and having a feeling that motivates you to speak your power.
You’ll see when your ego is triggered by the past and it’s better to zip it.
4 TOOLS TO HANDLE TRIGGERS AND COMMUNICATE IN A RELATIONSHIP
STEP 1#: Decide to take responsibility
When you are triggered, the most important thing is to be aware so you can STOP all impulses to act out and say things that will hurt.
Sometimes, when we are triggered emotionally, little things feel like a very, very big deal to us, and we want to lean forward and talk.
We create huge expectations and feel angry and resentful at the man for not doing or being what we want. We want to blame him.
If you have a pattern of dumping all your “hurt” feelings out so your man can fix them, he will start feeling that no matter what he does, he can’t make you happy.
He will get tired and bolt.
Accept that you are a powerful creator of your reality and decide that you will not make him (or anyone else) responsible for your emotions or reactions.
STEP 2#: Catch the trigger
The second you feel that you “freeze” -- your body feels tense, breathes more quickly, feels angry -- STOP.
Stop all impulses to speak your mind, or text or call him, and, instead, breathe and close your eyes.
Decide to radically accept the uncomfortable feeling you are experiencing and explore it. Ask yourself what you are feeling right now.
Anger is the most common feeling we experience when we are triggered, because it works as a cover emotion for feelings like shame, guilt, or sadness.
If you feel angry, acknowledge it. Then, imagine the anger as a shield and see how you are breaking through it to access your true feeling. Be fully with that feeling as well.
Repeat the process, and you will see that you are feeling more peaceful already. That is because you are showing yourself unconditional love by radically accepting the mixture of your shadow feelings.
STEP 3#: Distance yourself
Before you even decide to make a feeling message / statement when you are upset, distance yourself from the situation until you know what is what.
Feeling triggered is not a real emotion; it’s a fight / flight response created by the unhealed trauma that wants you to attack or run away.
Triggered is a “triggering” word, especially if you are dealing with a man who hasn’t done a lot of inner work, so try to avoid it. It’s always better to say the truth -- that you don’t know what you are feeling -- until you have found your TRUE feeling.
You can say:
“I’m not sure what I’m feeling. I need some time to feel my way through.”
Take a walk, go to the bathroom, or, if possible, sit down in meditation for a couple of minutes to find out what is going on inside and to heal it.
Just be careful about “distancing” yourself from the situation so you don’t evolve a toxic pattern of always “escaping” every time you are facing an uncomfortable feeling.
STEP 4#: Speak the truth
When you are sure that what you are experiencing is a genuine feeling, you can speak your power in a feeling message.
Breathe slowly and try to cool down the intensity in the trigger before you talk.
Depending on the situation, if you feel that the man is pulling back in some way (looking defensive or closed off), he might also be triggered, and you can call the divine masculine out by saying:
“I feel a resistance here. It can be me, and I’m willing to take responsibility for my own part. But I feel some disconnection. Is there something I should know?”
If he says no, just drop it. Don’t nag or try to convince him. Let him be and allow him to process it on his own. He might come to you and open up for a discussion later, after some soul searching.
If he says yes, lean back and say to him: “Tell me more about it”.
The most important thing is to SHOW UP in the discussion, to be there and do the best you can to honor your part and his part and the sacredness of your relationship.
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